"I Failed as a Partner"

 

~ ctto: https://www.lifegate.com/women-travel-alone

        There is one time in our life that when we realize, we were the one who should be blamed. Yes, it is painful... it is hard to accept that we fail as his/her partner. Acceptance is the first and hardest step you will ever make, and to a more challenging situations.

Many of us may overlooked all of the good things your partner will do if he/she the one has done the wrong thing in the past. And it is the big lesson that has ever thought me, a lesson that literally change me and my life. It was painful to realize that you never saw the effort he/she has done because your heart is full of pain and unhealed wounds.
Note: Please be aware of your actions towards your partner because you may overlook the efforts they are putting to make it up to you.

1. Being Entitled

        I was at first happy to see that someone is making it up to me. But I didn't realize that my ego and selfishness is eventually consuming me. I thought that when someone has done you wrong what they have to do is to make it up to you and put their full effort in the things they are doing. But it was my mistake to overlook the efforts. Up until I realized when the decision has made that we should stay friends in the meantime, I realized that... it was my mistake not to appreciate the efforts.

2.  Manipulative

        It was hard at first to accept the attitude I created. Toxic, right?
I also overlook this attitude of mine... and guess what.... I hurt someone because I became too entitled and that leads to being manipulative of my partner. I guess, this was also the one of the hardest attitude that I need to accept in order for me to change it. It was hard... the process of accepting it is full of regrets, pain and fear. But I guess, God really made it happen for me to be able to change the attitude that will destroy me... at first I thought this was the consequences of my mistake but it's not. It is part of the process.
 

3. Fears

        I was full of fear even I was reassured of the things that I have. It was because I was not yet ready to let go of all the pain I've been through from the past, I thought I'm over with it... but it's not.
You really can't love someone if your heart is full of fears. You must let go of whatever fear that is in order for you to open up your eyes on WHAT IS the reality.

4. Self-Love

        I lack self-love to myself that's why I keep finding it on someone and when I didn't receive what I am expecting I ended up lashing out. This was the most hardest things that I ever needed to accept, there is nothing I can do to make it up to that person but to make myself a better person for me to be a right person to the one I love. It was reaallly reaally hard, the process was unbearable and painful. When I realized that I am having a hard time to my current situation, that was the time that God let me see that I lack the love for myself. But become a reason for me to move forward.

5. Patience

        You need patience in order to know yourself, to know someone, to achieve something and to grow. And it was one of my behavior that lacks of. But always remember that can improve yourself no matter how hard it is for you.

I cannot turn back time and I am just wasting my time if I will just regret for it. The process may be hard my dear but trust me, trust yourself and start loving yourself... It has just started!

    Acknowledge your mistakes and change it. Put it in a list of paper all of the attitudes you wanted to change and you wanted to create and develop for yourself. It's not  an easy road that's why you must add a full time prayer in it.
Contemplate on all of the things you wanted to change in and out of yourself, appreciate yourself for the growth you've been aiming and most importantly never ever forget to FORGIVE yourself. Take it easy dear and have patience. We've got this! And I am proud of every step you are making.

xx